From the demented mind

of comedian Steven Wright

If you take an Oriental person and spin him

around several times, does He become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called Poles,

why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Why do we say something is out of whack?

What's a whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts",

and you put your two cents in,

what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?

It's just stale bread to begin with.

When cheese gets it's picture taken,

what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist

but a person drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,

doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,

musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed,

tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the

drivers licenses of bald men?

I was thinking about how people seem to

read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older,

then it dawned on me . . . they're cramming

for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their

babies with tiny little spoons and forks

so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals

up in the Post Office?

What are we supposed to do, write to them?

Why don't they just put their pictures

on the postage stamps so the mailmen could

look for them while they delivered the mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others,

then what exactly are the others here for?

You never really learn to swear

until you learn to drive.

No one ever says, "It's only a game",

when their team is winning.

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

If olive oil comes from olives,

where does baby oil come from?